Friday, October 18, 2013

The End

I am nothing more than a mirror pressed against the pulse of my universe. I write what the hours whisper to me and what I have copied out of a silent face. I plagiarize the hunkered down eyebrows of my neighbor and the whistle of the train. Everything I produce is recycled from the dumpster filled with all the moments worthless to our minds but buried in our souls. I don't deserve credit for what has happened here.

For the past 8 months, I have come here once a day (usually) to explore the endangered emotions we hide in the forest of our eyes. Every night, I cut back the foliage and bare the echoes of the day. People sing my praises and decorate my self-esteem with emoticons and abbreviations, but they can't always grasp the demons roaring inside me. They try to cut them loose or stab them tight, but the only kryptonite my worst moments can find is a few seconds spent typing on a blank template and a few more spent copying the link to everyone I know.

This blog has seen my heartbreak, my triumph, my anguish, my solitude, my boredom, my regret, and primarily the suppression of all of the above. I can cower behind an imposing vocabulary to sound like I know what I mean, but I gaze at you the next morning to find my antithesis. My metaphors float around like plastic bags over a magnetic ocean, dragging into themselves and towering at the edge of delirium. My thoughts seem alien when articulated, as if defined by an elderly scholar and not the magazine.

Today, I say goodbye to pretending that I can put two fingers to my neck and feel vibrations that spell out through my foggy spirit. I bid the hopes of a beaten-down, facade-ridden writer farewell with the sun. I cross myself out to reject myself from the solution set, because I no longer fit into the original equation: I have morphed into an extraneous root. Hopefully, those roots can grow upward until they break into a green melody until the light from above. Hopefully, this stalk will sprout blooms and they will ripen with heat. Hopefully, those drying petals will fall away cleanly, and die without ripping in half.

I will miss this blog like a part of my body, and I will lose my way without my literary compass of the night. And, through my tears, I say to you, with all my heart: Good night.

9 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry...I didn't mean for this to happen. I swear I'll stop. I go to your school. I was just pretending to be a creep, I'm not actually one

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please PLEASE contact me in another form so I know you aren't some creeper just pretending to be from my school

      Delete
    2. Or comment something that reveals u r from the school - for example, what room is the math office?

      Delete
    3. ROOM 444 I repeat
      Please don't stop writing..

      Delete
    4. I just wish I could believe you. What if you are just a friend trying to make me feel better? Or what if you know all this because you are stalking me? It would certainly help if I knew who you were because there is no one at my school with your initials

      Delete
  2. $$$$$$€€€€¥¥¥¥££££₩₩₩

    ReplyDelete
  3. you're a lovely person and writer.

    please don't forget that

    ReplyDelete