Chlent

To get our house ready for my friend N to stay, I had to spend the day hunched over in the stairwell, scrubbing furiously at dust on the handrail. It was kind of fun, singing "It's A Hard Knock Life" and rolling down the stairs in perfect time. The downside was that after all of the work, my back felt like it was about to split open. So, armed with a champagne glass full of seltzer and a few semi-sweet chocolate chips, I sat down to watch my own personal 30 Rock marathon on Netflix. Time slipped away with the sun, and before I knew it, I had devoured half a bag of the chocolate. Chlent, as usual, has failed.

Chlent is a holiday I invented, which takes place during Lent. It starts on Ash Wednesday, and ends whenever I get tired of not eating whatever I gave up. I'm not religious, but as far as I can tell, Lent is meant to show your devotion and sorrow to Jesus, and your respect to him as well. For Chlent, one gives up something to show respect for me. It started out that way, at least, as a joke. Then I had a better idea. Chlent is to show respect to yourself. To do that, I gave up sweets, so I could maintain a healthy weight. I couldn't keep it going for more than a day, though. Maybe a day and a half.

Does it come in bunches, the self-respect? Does it come like Christmas cards for a few weeks before petering out? Do we hold it in bouquets which we throw away after one use? Perhaps I can dry the flowers, and store it away in an attic for next time. Life fades, as youth. So goodbye, Annie; "It's A Hard Knock Life" for real.